Well I have been home for about a month and a half now and things are going well :) It's still a little weird being home but its almost more weird because its not that weird, if you know what I mean. Part of me expected to be radically different in a way that would render being home again a strange and difficult thing. Its not, at least for me, it feels great to be home and although I may be a little more frustrated with the over consumerism and such than I was when I left, I feel like I have a healthy grasp on the realities of the world that we choose to live in. Its not perfect but I love it here in America. Sure there are lots of things that I would like to see change and improve and this trip helped cement them in new ways and remind me that we can live simpler lives. But there are a lot of things that are really good about being home. My awesome community for one. The beautiful outdoors, the lack of garbage and sewage on the streets, the fresh air my truck, the list goes on. But man do I miss my team and my squad :( You guys are one of the most incredible groups of people that I have ever worked with. I don't even know where to start. I hope that you all come to visit the west coast soon :)
I still can't say "see look this is the thing that I came home for" I don't know if it hasn't happened yet or if its just one of those small things that you don't know has been put into motion until later.But I still know that home is where I am suppose to be for now. One thing that I am happy I am home for is the merging of my church with another local church with similar visions. My church, Sundeos, and City Church have decided that both of our communities have a lot to offer each other and so we will be combining starting next month. Part of me is sad and a little scared of change but most of me is excited to see what God is doing because He is allover this thing. As I began to think about it more I started to see that this is an amazing thing. You hear all the time about churches dividing for this reason and that, about denominations splitting over opinions on things that don't matter in the end. And here we have two churches doing the exact opposite. We are saying hey we do things like this and you do things like that but we both have the same vision to reach people wherever they are at and touch them with the love of Christ and let Him rock their world. Why don't we combine our strengths with your strengths so be can reach more people and change more lives? And after sitting down and talking through it we are going for it. I know that its going to have its rough spots and hard times. I am sure that we may even lose some people along the way. But I know that its were God is leading and I know that our communities will be stronger in the end. And that more lives will be changed and that's what its all about. I am just glad that I am home and that I get to help my family merge with the City Church family who I already know and love.
Other than that I am still looking for work but I have been working a little for a catering company but that will dry up in a couple weeks. Its fun but going to weddings every weekend but its getting a little old. I need something more steady so I can move back out. I love my parents and they are supper supportive and they have been gone a lot but its still a little weird being home and I don't have anywhere to spread out my stuff I am still living out of my bags. I just have more of them now. But it has been really good to be home. I went camping last weekend with Chandy and her kids out east of town. We found a great spot in the middle of nowhere with a spring to get water from and we didn't see anyone else out there for the whole three days other than a few cows, a pack of coyotes and gaggle (?) of wild turkeys. It was really good to have some time with her and the kids and to just be out. Away from town, there was a piece of property out there that I am sure there is no way I could ever afford but it is fun and refreshing just to think about getting a place in the middle of nowhere and simplifying. It weird being back home and being in the middle of the rat race but not really being a part of it because I don't have any money. There is a part of me that wants to makes good money and get back into it and part of me that wants to sell all my shit and move into the back of my truck and travel around the country. I thought that I might be more ready to settle down when I got home but I don't know that I am. Part of me wants to travel more.
Well the good news is God has been softening my heart like I asked. The thing with that is, that means I feel, and it hurts. Leaving my new family behind has made my heart ache more than I can remember it doing in a long time. I had to sneak out after breakfast on Monday because I couldn't take another good bye. I took a taxi to the train station and hopped on a bus that left almost immediately.
As it drove out of town passing the camp were all my squad members were listening to Mike Pascall speaking I started to have a break down. I could barely hold back tears as I rode the crowded bus into the beautiful Transivainan alps. Judging by glances from some of my fellow passengers I am certain the anguish was showing through clearly on my face. It was all I could do not to just melt down then and there. As we rallied up the twisty roads, I started to take in the mist shrouded, granite peaks that surrounded us and the tears held off for now. But every part of me wanted to still be with them.
I started to look through the little scrapbook my team Ezra had given me, reading their hearts that they had put down on paper for me. All I could think about was how amazing the people are that I spent the last eight months with, how privileged I was to get to spend time with each and every one of them. And, how excited I am to see where they go next in life when I will to tell someone "I knew them when" and they don't believe me and when I get to read about how they are being the change that this world needs. ( I am on a plane above Green Land and I am about to break down again)
When I got to my hostel near the Bucharest airport I was greeted by a wonderful couple that own the place. They handed me a key to the room and said that they were going into town and we could work out the details later. I took a much needed long hot shower and went back into my room and cried. Man this hurts, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was almost enjoying it, its been so long sense something really hurt it felt good to know I was gaining back my heart. I know that I am following were the Lord is leading. And I am glad that I love all me people on L-squad even though it hurts now. It was well worth this pain. The only thing I regret is not going deeper even though it would hurt more now.
And now I am in a plane over Green Land and I barley got through this blog without blubbering. The only thing thats helping me hold it together is know that I will see my family and friends soon. And the that this is not the end. L-squad, I expect you all to keep in touch, I know I will be blogstalking you all :) And you better come out and visit Oregon, other wise I will have to come and hunt you down in whatever part of the world you are hiding in :) And while I am threatening you all, I will add. That none of you are allowed to settle, you all have so much potential, I don't even know where to start. And I think the only thing that would be harder than leaving you would be seeing you not fufill all the awesome things God has for you, on and off the race. I love each and every one of you and can't wait to hear the stories from the rest of your race. Which means you have to BLOG :)
Dear Friends, Family, Supporters, Teammates, WR Staff and Random Blog Stalkers,
My time with World Race is going to come to a close shortly. I want to start by saying that there is nothing "wrong" and that this wasn't a decision I took lightly. The truth is that I have come to believe that God is calling me home, now. In all honesty I have thought this was the case for a while now but it's not what I wanted, so I have been fighting it and asking for more confirmation. And although it's not the answer that I was hoping for, it is the right answer for me. This may well be the hardest decision I have ever made. Knowing that either choice will hurt people that are close to me. Knowing that no matter which way I go, I will miss out on some great stuff and I will miss out on time with people that I love. But in the end it comes down to seeking His best for my life. I told Him that I wanted His best for my life and that I would choose it if He would make it clear. And God has made it clear though dreams, words from different people, and in my own heart. I don't know why His best is for me to be home now instead of in two months. Its hard to give up something that you know is good for an unknown reason. Its hard to walk away from some of the most amazing people I have even met and an organization that is helping us all grow into the men and women of God that we were created to be. But I am not willing to give up God's best for anything. And He has made if clear to me, even in my stubbornness and wanting to stay on the race that His best is in Bend.
I want to be very clear that there isn't some secret reason that I am not sharing or that I am holding back from telling you all the full story. That isn't true, if there was ill will between me and The World Race or anyone on this squad I wouldn't hesitate to bring it to the light. Those of you that know me well, know that I am not shy about such things. My time on the Race has been incredible. I have been pushed, pulled and molded by God, my teammates, coaches, and the people in every country I have had the privilege to visit. For as long as God has allowed me to be here, it has been an incredible experience filled with amazing people seeking God and inspiring me to do the same.
Thanks to all of you for your support, friendship, prayer, words of encouragement and understanding. I would like to assure you that all of the support that has come into my account has been used. And although that was not the deciding factor in me going home it was another clue and I would not ask for more support knowing that God is calling me back to Bend. I hope that you all can see my heart in this and know that it was always my desire to fulfill my commitment. But I must first follow my commitment to God and where the Lord is leading. It is my desire to be completely open about my decision and about my time on the race, so I invite you all to ask questions about this whole thing. And to be praying for me and my squad as we transition through this time. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers, this is not the end of anything. The relationships that have been built here will continue to grow as we all move forward on the paths that God has set before us.
So as you all know I still need to raise more money but I am asking that you also consider helping my teammate Will out. Because thats how we do it here :)
Over
the last couple weeks I have started having some good conversations
with some of the young people here in Nigeria. And I believe that the
Lord may be starting to stir something in them. A hunger for
something more real. Not unlike the youth in America, they are tired
of the old way of doing church. Tired of legalism, judgment and
condemnation. And they are full of love, grace and freedom, leaving
behind the old ways and just following the will of the Father,
breaking free of the rules, regulations and religion constructed by
man. It is barely even beginning to stir, but I can sort of just feel
it coming and it makes me excited. It gives me hope for them, for
their country, for all of us. If we can just figure out how to break
free of these things and just fall on our faces before the Lord and
gain His heart for the future, then anything will be possible, we
will be able to break down the walls around our hearts and the hearts
of others that have been erected because of the wounds
inflicted by people in the name of Jesus.
The truth is He doesn't want us all to run around following a bunch of
rules, acting like homogenized robots. He created us to be us, we
will all have a different way of following him. But if we are seeking
his will and his face that is what he is asking of us. If the church
can begin to let go of our differences and just fall on our face and
ask Him to have His way in us and mean it and be open to it even if
it doesn't look like what we think is best. Then I think we will see
the walls of division come down and a new era of freedom can sweep
the land. Ok that was as much for the American church as it was for
Nigeria. I don't know if it is because it is exaggerated here or if
it is just that I am on the our side looking in. But it seams so
simple to just let go of the silly things that we latch on to and get
caught up in. Stop telling people they are going to hell and why. The
fact of the matter is that sin is sin. We have all fallen short. But
you can't scare people into a relationship. You may be able to scare
them into coming to church on Sunday, to sing in the choir and to
tithe, but chances are that if they are just doing in out of fear of
hell or something then they won't move into the LOVE and GRACE that
Jesus offers us. They will spend all of there time trying to avoid
something, instead of seeking a relationship with some one.
What we need is LOVE, we need to show them UNCONDITIONAL love. No matter
where they are at in the process. This means we love them with no end
in mind. We don't love them because we want them to come to church or
because we want them to be like us or because of anything other than
that they are who they are. We need to focus on doing our best to
love people into the Kingdom, not scare them out of hell. Because if
they come for love, they will find more and more of it as they draw
closer to the Father's heart as they go deeper in relationship with
Him. What we need is to gain a piece of the Father's heart so that we
can share it with all of those that cross our path. We need to spend
time with Him . Being filled with his love so that it will just pour
out of us. Even as I am writing this I am convicted in the fact that
as much as I don't like the way that they do things here I don't
exactly have it all together either, I am still learning all of this
as I write it.
You can all be praying that God would bless our time together in such a
way that it will keep me coming back for more and more every day. And
that He would open up the hearts and the minds of the church in
Nigeria to what He has for them and where he would like them to go.
It's so cliche but I figured I would write about it anyway.
So it's HOT here in West Africa, I know its hard to believe that it's hot in Nigeria when we are at least a hundred miles or so away from the equator. And even though we have been going from one hot country to the next for the last eight months, this is too hot. It's well, Africa Hot and I still have a really hard time sleeping when its hot at night. I just wasn't built for this. The good part is that it is rainy season here and we have had a couple of nice rainy days. But in talking to some of the locals normally it should be raining every day right now but it's not.
The day before yesterday it had been a couple of nights since I had gotten any sleep and so I was talking to Katie (One of our squad leaders) and she said that she would pray for rain. Not more than a couple hours later it started raining and it kept raining off and on and stayed cloudy all evening and into the night and it was one of the coolest nights we have had yet. And it reminded me of how it snowed the last day I was at home, which was way out of season and it didn't just snow it snowed over three inches. And that I had been praying that it would snow before I left because other wise it would be more than a year before I saw it again.
I am not saying that I am going to get a job as a weather man when I get back home and pray all my predictions into existence or anything. I am just saying join me in praying for rain in Africa and lets see what happens.
The first day of debrief I walked in
the conference room and found that the floor was covered in a soft
green plush layer made of yarn with padding under it. My first
thought was this is different, and really nice why don't more people
do this. For a minute I actually thought that it was a novel idea
before realizing that it was just carpet. It has been almost 8 months
since I have seen carpet, I hadn't really thought about it and I
didn't realize how much I missed it until I saw it again. It is so
nice to just sit on a soft floor and not feel the cold hard cement
underneath it. It got me thinking about the other things that I miss
and so here is a list of things that I take for granted at home that
you can't hardly find where we have been lately.
Carpet
Overstuffed couches
Electricity that stays on for more than
a couple hours at a time
Buildings that are bug free
Uninterrupted Sleep
Good Coffee
Quality Micro Brew
Being able to pull my phone out of my
pocket and call anyone anytime
Internet that doesn't suck
Grocery stores that have and entire
cereal aisle, fresh milk and anything else you can think of, in one
stop
Netflix
Driving my own truck
The mountains
Cold weather
Mom's cookin
Quality tools
My own space
Fresh Air
Clean water
Sundeos
My family
My community
People that don't think they have to
yell to communicate
Public restrooms
Dogs that aren't mangy
Tillamook ice cream
But it is worth giving it all up to be
able to partner with God and be a part of what he is doing in the
nations. To spend time loving the outcasts, the poor, the forgotten.
For a chance to see how much of the rest of the world lives. To reach
the one and introduce them to Christ and his and grace. As much as I
miss all of those things I want to stay in the field for as long as
God wants me here. But if I don't raise $3500 this month then I will
have to consider coming home. I know many have given above your means
already but I would ask you to take a minute right now and ask the
Lord if he would have you continue to sow into this ministry and to
keep me out here doing his work. I had nearly $1000 come in in a
matter of a couple weeks last month so I know that you are out there
and that you care. I will say that every bit helps. Even just $25 at
a time will get us there. Almost half of the money raised so far has
come in donations of less than $100. I have been praying that God
would ask you to stretch yourself a little in your giving so that he
can bless you for your willingness to partner with Him. And I believe
that he will, if you give what ever he is asking you, I believe He
will blow you away with how he blesses you in that. I am sure some of
you out there have already had this happen I would love to hear about
it so I could include your stories in a future blog. Just click the
email me link up near the top of the page on the left hand side and
tell me about it.
So have been doing "Evangelism" in the evening around the neighborhood where our pastors church is. Here in Nigeria, at least for us that looks like walking up and down the streets handing out tracks with our church's address on the back. We like to spend time actually talking to people and getting to know a little of there story and praying with them if we can. But often we are on a bit of a forced march to cover the number of streets they would like us to before it gets dark.
We have sort of adopted a little bit of a leapfrog technique that gets us a little more time to talk to each person and keeps pastor busy giving directions to the church. The other day Will was talking to a guy named Victor and waved us all over as we were "leaping" by him to the next shop. So we stopped and headed over as Will introduced us to Victor. He was having some problems in his knee and asked if we could pray for healing. We did and he thanked us and we went on our way. Nothing to write home about and we continued on evangelizing down the street.
A few days later me and Haley were shopping at the market trying to find some vegetables or something other than sketchy meat or peppers to go with our yams, rice, past and other assorted carbohydrates. And Victor spots us from across the street and comes over. We ask him where we can find some curry powder and if he thinks there will be any Irish potatoes at this market. He helps us find curry powder and follows us around the market helping us out and making sure we don't get over charged for anything. He tells us that he wanted to come to church on Sunday but he couldn't find it. So we tell him we will be going home that we if he would like to come along we could point it out.
After we point out the church I remember that we had prayed for his knee and asked him how it was doing. He said that it felt way better and he has been able to get around without any problems since we had prayed for him. And that was why he had wanted to come to church on Sunday was that he was going to share a testimony of he knee being healed. He said that he would come that night to our prayer service.
As the prayer service started we were a little disappointed as there were only about two people there other than our team and its always a little frustrating when you go through the effort of preparing a message and your team out numbers the people that are there. We went ahead and got started about 25 minutes late or five minutes early Africa time depending on how how you look at it. And a few more church members came and not long after so did Victor. He shared with everybody about his leg being healed. After the service we talked with him some more and found out that his mom and dad had died in a car accident. And he has been raising his little brother and sister ever since. On top of all that he has lost his job as a generator mechanic. And has been unable to find new work. So we prayed some more for him and left saying that we would see each other on Sunday.
Tonight we were out doing inviting people to church and I saw to a couple of guys in front of a barber shop that looked young and like they might be a bit unreceptive but those are my favorite so I went over and introduced my self and talked a little about what we are doing here. Before long one of the guys asked me if I knew Victor and I said we had met him a couple of blocks away on another street. He proceeded to tell me that he was Victors brother. And that Victor had been telling him all about us and the church. And he said that he would come on Sunday with his brother.
So I would like to ask all of you to be in prayer for Victor and his family. I don't know exactly where he is at with the Lord yet. It seems like he grew up in the church but never really made it his own. Just be praying that he would come on Sunday and be receptive to what the Lord has for him. I have a feeling that he may be are part of the shift that the Lord wants to bring to the church in Nigeria. And that is why his life has been under attack.
Although we have been visiting The Third World for the last eight months, there haven't been a lot of things that have really impacted me in a way that made me stop and think about the daily life and death realities of living here. But today we visited a maternity hospital and met a baby who's mother had died while giving birth to him last night. He was a sleep when we first arrived and I honestly wasn't impacted by it that much. But after we had finish praying for the sister of the woman who had died, the baby began to cry and I waited, expecting someone to bring a bottle, but after a few minutes nothing came. After a few more minutes someone came with what I had assumed was formula and gave it to the baby and he stopped crying. As we were leaving, one of the nurses that had been talking to Haley approached her and asked if there was any way we could buy some formula for the baby. They had been unable to contact the father of the baby and there was no money available to feed this baby. After three months in Africa being asked for money ten times a day and being surrounded by need you start to become immune to it and saying no is almost automatic with our small budget. But there are some times that you know the need is genuine and the cost is small. They weren't asking us for a life time supply of formula or even a month. They were just asking if we could provide 1,100 Naira or about 7 US Dollars so they could buy one can of formula until they had a plan for this baby. Then they proceeded to explain that the other mothers in the hospital had been providing milk for the baby so far, something that we would never even think to consider as an option in the states. We provided the money and went on our way-most of us in a bit of a daze and not just from the hot African sun that was now beating down from directly over head as we walked the red dirt roads back to our house. But from the third world, this was a reality check that affected even the most veteraned hearts among us. It inspired me to to look up some statistics for Nigeria and I decided to include some of them just to help paint a picture
In the US
6.4 infants die per 1000 born before they reach there first birthday
1in 4800 women will die and some time during there life due to complications with pregnancy or child birth
The average life expectancy is 78yrs
99% of people are literate
In Nigeria one the more populated and advanced countries in Africa
94 infants die per 1000 born before they reach there first birthday
1 in 18 women will die and some time during there life due to complications with pregnancy or child birth
The average life expectancy is 47yrs
68% of people are literate
These are the people that you have sent us out to reach. These are the people that I am spending my days with. These are the people that we are reaching with Gods love. These are the people that we are trying to show there is a another way than the way they have been taught. These are the the people that are forever changing my perspective on life.
I still need to raise $5009.10 so that I can finish The World Race. Going into debt for anything isn't something that I am willing to do in my life including to stay on The Race. So I need to raise $2000 before the end of this month. I know that this is not only possible but I believe that it is going to happen. Please just take a second and pray and ask God if and how much He would have you give toward partnering with what we are doing here. If you feel led to give, then click the link near the top left of my page that says support. Please don't think that any amount is to small, it all adds up. Most of my donations are less than $100 and we have already raised almost $9000. I want to thank you all for your prayers and financial support that you have already given. Please don't let the end of my race come sooner than it should.
